The Key to Communication
By: Bobby Jones
One of the greatest privileges and responsibilities that come with being a youth pastor is the opportunity to preach and teach.
For most of us, our communication is primarily directed at our students. However, it is not limited to our students. As a youth pastor, you must be prepared to share with parents, youth ministry teams, small group leaders, church leadership such as deacons/elders, staff members, the lead pastor, community leaders, and the church as a whole.
Communication is crucial. It is not without its own unique set of challenges. We all get on average 35,000 messages a day now according to Elway Research. When your "message" becomes 1 in 35,000, it can very easily become just noise. George Bernard Shaw once said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” So how do we preach, teach and communicate in such a way that not only is the message is heard, but students understand and act on what we are saying? More communication? Better content? The answer is connection.
In John Maxwell’s book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect, he defines connection as “the ability to identify with people and relate to them in a way that increases your influence with them.” In addition to your growing relationship with God through Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit working in and through your life, connection is the key to great preaching, teaching, and communication. So let me walk you through the 5 W’s and the 1 H of Communication that Connects.
1. Know Your WHY
As ministers of the gospel, we have the most compelling WHY of any company, organization, or non-profit on the face of planet earth. Our mission is the great commission. We are Acts 1:8 people living in a Genesis 3 world, longing for a John 14 heaven. Knowing your why is more than just knowing your mission. It is making the mission personal and memorable for your students. It is helping students connect and identify with a story and purpose that is much bigger than themselves. “Very few people or companies can clearly articulate WHY they do WHAT they do. By WHY, I mean your purpose, cause, or belief - WHY does your company exist? WHY do you get out of bed every morning? And WHY should anyone care?” (Start With Why, Simon Sinek) Knowing your WHY keeps you on point every time you preach and teach and begins the connection process.
2. Know Your WHO
If you want your message to connect with people, you have to know WHO you are addressing. For most of us, our audience is a group of 11 to 18-year-olds, hopped up on Mountain Dew, trying to figure out how to fit in and are addicted to TikTok. But do you really know WHO the students are in your group?
Last Sunday, I taught from James 1:2-6. We were walking through a teaching series on wisdom. Before James says that wisdom is ours for the receiving if we only ask God in faith, he addresses how trials and hardships are deepening our faith and should be counted as joy. I asked this question in a large group setting, “What are some of the trials and hardships you have faced so far in your life?” Expecting trials dealing with peer pressure, obstacles created by social media, being on the wrong end of gossip, you can imagine my shock when a student who had been visiting for less than a month said, “My dad committed suicide.”
Our students are truly walking through unprecedented times in a fallen, broken world, complicated by social media and separated and isolated by a global pandemic. Know Your WHO. Talk to their parents, coaches, friends, and small group leaders. The better you know them, the better you will connect with them.
3. Know Your WHAT
Just because connection is key does not mean you can spend less time on your content. Content is first and foremost driven by your mission (WHY). But how is that mission presented in a practical way to your students? In my ministry, we use core values. Our core values drive all the content I prepare for messages, retreats, small groups, mission trips, and everywhere else I communicate. If you are struggling with developing core values for your students, you do not have to re-invent the wheel. We use the core values from the book The Seven Checkpoints by Andy Stanley and Stuart Hall. Knowing your WHAT helps you to focus your preaching and teaching on communicating a few things well over and over again.
4. Know Your WHEN
Guess what? Sunday’s coming. And then Wednesday is coming after that. Oh and there’s another Sunday and “blink”...it’s Wednesday night again. I’m not sure what your preaching and teaching schedule looks like, so I’ll just walk you through mine. I currently teach all of our youth on Sunday mornings, teach all of our parents on Sunday nights, and all of our college students on Wednesday evenings. Each has its own distinct set of core values which means each environment receives a unique message. I also write all of our curriculum for small groups for each environment. All that to say, I cannot get behind in preparing my messages. You shouldn’t either.
When you know your WHAT (content = core values), you can calendar your WHEN way in advance. I am blessed that my church gives us ten days a year to be used for renewal and professional development. I used three of those days to develop my preaching calendar. I found a friend who let me use their lake house for free, got away, prayed, studied and planned out the big idea for each core value. By August 2020, I had prepared a preaching series calendar for all three environments for the entire 2020-21 school year. I built in flex weeks for one-off messages or for weeks we had to cancel due to COVID or weather. For the summer months, we are studying a book of the Bible and doing a character study. Knowing your WHEN and calendaring in advance leaves you more time to focus on connection.
5. Know Your WHERE
Jeff Henderson, former pastor of Buckhead Church and Gwinnett Church and founder of “The For Company,” often says “leadership comes with a microphone.” You know this to be true in youth ministry, but your communication and connection cannot be only from behind a microphone. Get off the stage. Get out of the office. Get out to wherever your students are involved. Go to the games, the plays, the show choir performance, the cheer competition, where they work, and where they hang out. Your preaching and teaching may happen from behind a mic, but connection happens face-to-face. My youth pastor is 66 years old and is still doing youth ministry in Florida. He shows up for lunch at the local high school and his students leverage his presence by introducing their friends to their youth pastor. He also coaches the high school soccer team. He is 66 years old. Know your WHERE is anywhere and everywhere there are students. Go connect!
6. Know Your HOW
Find your voice. God has uniquely gifted you to communicate, preach and teach. Leverage those gifts to find your unique style of communication. Research on effective communication styles to help you develop your voice. One helpful book for me that had nothing to do with ministry was Talk Like TED by Carmine Gallo. In it, I gleaned insights from some of the best speaking techniques used in TED talks. Who doesn’t enjoy a good TED talk? One of those insights was “Have a Conversation: Practice relentlessly and internalize your content so that you can deliver the presentation as comfortably as having a conversation with a close friend.” Do you know who did this best? Jesus. It did not matter if he was addressing an individual, his disciples, the Pharisees, or the crowds. His message was a conversation and his connection was unquestionable.
I also want to provide you with some tools that may enrich your ministry and your personal growth. Below is a list of books, podcasts, and links to help you continue your communication education.
Books
Everyone Communicates, Few Connect by John C. Maxwell
Talk Like TED: The 9 Public Speaking Secrets of the World’s Top Minds by Carmine Gallo
Know What You’re For by Jeff Henderson
Links
Sharpening Your Communication Skills by Craig Groeschel
The 4 Different Communication Styles and How Each Can Improve by Jeff Henderson
Public Speaking by Bob Goff - a video-driven coaching series
Evaluation
Sermon Evaluation Form - REMEMBER...when receiving feedback, it is always evaluating the process and the product, not the person. Do not defend and do not take it personally. Learn and move on.
Bobby Jones is the Associate Pastor of Youth and College Ministry at Parkway Baptist Church in Auburn, AL. You can find more about him and connect with him here!